love, love and love

Last night a young person asked me – how do you know what to look for? Is there any card in the tarots that indicates or defines that this is the love I have been looking for? Well, the answer lies in the fact that different people experience love differently. In my experience people have described their feeling of love in their own way and the tarots have a danced to the symphony they created. SO instead of holding forth on the subject and giving my opinion I think I will let the tarots and the speakers speak for themselves. These are all excerpts from books and my own jottings on my experiences.

Here’s how a woman describes her experience: “Lets put the boot on your foot - if you knew that I might die in the next 6 months and you loved me. Would you marry me and have my baby - despite being destitute and not certain which way your life would go - just to hang on to that perfect moment of love? Do you know what it feels like to have a baby that is a part of someone who completes all that you want from life? In another life that is something I would want with you. SO I am issuing it as a prayer for my soul to remember!”

In her reading we found the devil and the hanged man with the 4 of cups. The Devil, for a slightly obsessive and passionate kind of love that preys on her own emotions driving her to experience intensity that may otherwise not be possible to feel; and the hanged man to allow herself to understand a new reality. They see when we have nothing left to lose our soul is freed from the shackles of ‘what if, but & why’ and life is visible in a perspective otherwise concealed. They say the experience of birth is much the same – the woman for the first time realizes that life depends on her and that she is nothing but a pawn in the hands of nature, with very little control on what’s to be. In this loss she discovers her true potential and a new ability to take on the travails of life. So in her own words her subconscious clearly indicates to her the message that the tarots parody. She needs a new perspective on the obsessive love she feels. Why does she want to be so conjoined with her love, is this really good for her? The 4 cups brings home the indication – a forced disengagement and a little distance will allow her to introspect – the reasons for such a need.

In another story a man and a woman were in a relationship which brought out the worst in them. Cantankerous, difficult, nasty and plain passionate... The relationship continued for several years until realizing the futility of it all, the woman decided to end it and get married. Ironically there relationship is exposed. A reasonably mundane occurrence but what fascinated me were a couple of statements - He says to the woman: “At least I was faithful for 12 years to my wife before I met you but you are claiming to be in love with the man you are about to marry while you are still with me.” Then again he says, after she is married: “I didn't tell you that I broke up with my wife because you are married now.” What fascinated me was the difference in which he viewed honesty to himself? All the years that she wanted more, he had nothing to offer and then just when she gets married and voila! His life changes and he explains his own decisions with this odd concept of respect for a marriage - so different from the way a woman feels.

In his cards we saw justice and the hanged man. Justice is the one card completely governed by logic and the balancing of the just and fair against what is undeserved. So when justice appears it mean you will get your just desserts – so as you sow so shall you reap. In his case – he balanced the good and the evil in himself and his girlfriend and explained that he had only strayed from his marriage after having accepted that he had done his best and could not make the relationship work, whilst the girl was being unfair to her fiancée by being involved with another man while pledging marriage. Similarly he weighs himself as the wrong doer and allows himself to be punished by not disclosing to his erstwhile girlfriend his singular status and bears his separation in isolation. However the hanged man points him to a new perspective having lost all that he held dear and indicates that he needs to cast away his earlier veneer and feel love and compassion for himself. In other words mitigate the harsh sword of justice. Interesting isn't it? It amazed me. Of course they broke out of their relationships and were happy ever after.

Some interesting thoughts? What say?

The star in the tarot signifies a pure hopeful love, the fool on its journey after having lost all, finds himself drinking from a maiden’s urn, water filled with starlight signifying the birth of hope and the return of love to your life. It also reminds the soul that there is no one soulmate – the message of love is hopeful – even if you lose you will find love again in a newer form. In your reading if accompanied with any of the cards from the minor arcana like the nine of cups (signifying wishes fulfilled) or the knight of cups (tentative steps towards romance) it means allow your heart to sing with joy and embrace the feeling of love. Consider yourself truly blessed if you find the two of cups – you are in a relationship of equals – where your other half completes your being. Your partner will support you, cherish your inner self and allow you to grow.

As a friend once spoke about her love “The one thing that truly lifted my spirits today - you know that you have found perfect love when your heart sings every time you hear their voice, when you feel everything is all right with the world, when you are with them and when you know you are complete in that moment you have with them. Then there truly is nothing more you want from life (if you die then it does not matter). The rest is a relationship negotiating it - maintaining it and investing in it.” Sounds very idealistic and perhaps transient but a moment in love worth hanging on to?

I want to end this reprieve with the world – the ultimate card for love. The world… This card perhaps the most powerful of all has several meanings but it also signifies the end of the journey for love. When the world appears in your search for love – you have found nirvana and completed successfully the goal you set out for. You are in the presence of perfection, wholeness, satisfaction and happiness. But you surprise yourself by finding that you have finally reached where you began – learning to trust and let go. In other words a love we all strive for but seldom achieve. Unconditional love - a mythical concept, only felt by a mother for her new-born child and love for god in a search for the spiritual self.

However, in the adult form experienced transiently with a perfect someone. In a discussion over dinner someone explained how they felt “I wanted to tell you that even when I have fought with you bitterly and am feeling hurt to my deepest core - I know I can feel that pure joy only with you. Remember I told you that I like the poem Ode to a skylark - I think that joy is what I am talking about that sets your spirits free. So you are free to behave as you wish that feeling is mine to hold and cherish and even you can't take it away from me. I think this is the strength of my vulnerability - knowing unerringly that even I have no control over this. It gives me the strength to speak the truth.”

Maybe that is why all the so called spiritual gurus were found in pairs!

the sacred and the profane

These words ring in my years every time I look at the Lovers’ card. Life is about choices isn’t it – that is the very reason why this particular card, which marks the souls journey into adulthood, teaches us to make choices and live with the consequences of those choice. Men and women alike are faced with this choice at some juncture in their lives.

The Lovers card is shown with Adam and Eve looking up at an angel – Raphael signifying, mercury and air, the basic element of Gemini. It means something mercurial and transforming is in the air – and what is constant is going to be altered. That is exactly the effect love has on us – the proverbial ‘rose tinted spectacles’ being one. Those governed by logic and science, report love as a chemical reaction, one that alters the blood chemistry and results in a feeling of euphoria. The reality lies somewhere in between and definitely dulls human ability to make rational decisions, such is the power of the Lovers card.

Does that mean that all decisions taken in love are profane? Is there a right or a wrong kind of love? Is it just society that decides this?

Over the years I have found that a large number of people who come to me are looking for a soulmate. Whether it is the young or the old the search for a soulmate is a never ending, awe inspiring one. Someone who completes your sentences, reads your thoughts even before you have crystallized them and accepts you as you are with no questions asked, epitomizes the dream lover or the soulmate. The desire for such a heavenly being overrides all other needs and requirements. Young and the old have asked the same question “Tell me is there a special someone in my life who I will meet?” My belief yes there is… not a special someone but several such special someone’s.

So then was nature’s way of making the primitive man polygamous the most natural one? This is where the Lover’s card in the tarot steps in. In one of my readings with a friend the person reported she had finally met the man of her dreams, a little too late because she was already married and had a family she did not want to leave. However, she was unwilling to let go off this new relationship that life had offered her. The new interaction provided her with a sense of completion she had not experienced before. She felt that she could handle and balance the two parts to herself. The cards that came in her spread were the Lovers and the two of swords, a stalemate. Did that mean that she would be able to maintain the balance she so desired?

There can always be many interpretations. The one that seemed to make sense was, the 2 of swords signifies a balance as long as you hold still, you remain blindfolded oblivious to the outer world because any sudden reactions can upset the balance and cause the swords to tip over. Could she hold on to the moment and maintain status quo? A big question, because love by its nature is volatile. If the new love is all satisfying and complete, her reality will appear faded in comparison to the suffused color of the new relationship pushing her to make a choice leaving status quo. Something in the circumstances would definitely alter to accommodate the new reality – unbalancing the swords.

So then would you advice her to give up the new relationship and adjudge it profane? You will find the answer in the Lover’s card. The spiritual meaning of the Lover’s card means that a man and a woman are two complimentary sources of energy, the yin and the yang. The soul on its earthly journey to the universe needs to understand this balance to communicate with its spiritual self. Only then will it be able to move on in the cycle of life and embrace higher lessons. In simple words to have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship you first need to have a relationship with yourself, i.e., accept yourself with your strengths and your failings.

We often look for what is missing within us in a relationship outside, in the hope that the other person will help us get in touch with that lost part and allay our fears while we are feeling lost. The Lovers teaches us just that lesson. To have a successful relationship first be whole – work at claiming all your missing parts for yourself. Once that is done the choice will be clear… the relationship that allows you to spread your wings, realize your full potential and lets you make your journey in your own chosen way is the one to depend one and is sacred to you. On the other hand, the one which is wrought with insecurity, fear and anxiety is the profane.

The tarots did not give my friend a yes or no answer but did give her enough to reflect on. What did SHE want? What in her current life made her happy – what was necessary for her to feel confident about herself? Was this new relationship just her search for herself? Was her marital relationship stifling and did not allow her to be herself? Which choices could she live with? Questions only she could answer – but answers that were imperative to find, as only then could she find the real balance in her life which is not a stalemate.

I have known of many choices. Some leave earlier relationships to find new ones, others stay despite a sense of unhappiness, some choose to stay single and have several relationships. yet others have dalliances on the side to distract from the unhappiness of the present… the tarot’s do not deem any choice to be profane. Only what is not good for your soul is profane and what you can find contentment and peace with is sacred. Souls singular goal is to seek freedom from obsessions and discontentment.

So does this question face only the poor married souls who have to make this choice? Is life just cut out for the singles? NO. The same question presents itself to them as well, albeit in a different form - “What kind of a person am I looking for?” Why am I not able to find the perfect person for me? Once again – the Lover’s provides the answer. First find what you miss in yourself and then embark on that journey to find love. A little bit of love for your own self can go a long way in finding love outside.

The Lover’s card also leaves you with something to reflect on – Is it imperative to be loved? Is it possible to be without love? Is it possible to be complete in your own self without this demonic search for a soulmate?

the many colors of anger

I have found anger a very useful emotion - even a shield. It carefully conceals the true depth of my experiences from me. No matter what the instigation my mind embraces my most favoured reaction – rage! Not distress, sadness, grief, fear or even anxiety. It has a lot to do with the manner in which I have learnt to process life. It is often said to many a trauma survivor – “I don’t know how you could have survived this?” – In other words had I been in your shoes I would have wilted like the delicate flower I am and fallen apart at the slightest provocation. The truth is that it is anger that separates the survivor from the victim and a fighter from the loser.

Needless to say there is a very special place in the tarots for anger. Not one card but several cards reflect various shades of anger that a person may experience. I think as a tarot card reader one of my favourite observations is the many colours anger appears in. Some years back a rather fierce young woman came to me for a reading. With her strong opinions and flashing eyes she epitomised the “witchy woman’s” flying sparks and flashes of lightning. I was mesmerised. As we were reading the cards I realized – here was a woman who had seen tough times in her life and had learnt to survive despite it. Much as she owed her many colors and the vermilion temper to her experiences the cards were very clear in their message to her.

The devil appeared along with death, a powerful combination. It was time to let go off the obsessions of the past – allow yourself to be free from the controlling compulsiveness of the devil and accept that change was imminent. Death also pointed to the fact that the change would not be easy and would come with its pain, a difficult task for a person whose personality has somehow got interwoven with the anger she holds within. It is absolutely true that the very same anger that leant you the edge can become outdated and make it difficult for you to accept your softer & gentler self.

Most of us spend years trying to battle the anger within us, whether its is betrayal, jealousy, humiliation or even greed in multitude situations we use distractions to manage it. Whether it is shopping, alcohol, conversation, food or sex, distractions can only provide a brief respite only to return the anger in full force. The cards however always indicate a healing and nurturing process for the self. As a reader you have to help others make that journey for themselves.

The tarots reflect this is several ways. Many other cards – the 5 of swords with its direct message of a brief but fierce conflict, the 7 of cups with its fantastical illusions, the 5 of wands signifying jealousy and competition, the 7 of swords in one of its shades signifying betrayal and the 8 of cups asking a person to leave disappointment and disillusionment behind all provide us with many reflections of anger. These cards appear in various symmetries and combinations in readings indicating various circumstances but with an underlying experience of anger for the receiver. But as a reader I believe it is my responsibility to not only spell out the eventuality but also look for the messages that the cards send the seeker to help them find peace and tranquillity.

A friend once asked me, have you ever met anyone who is so completely angry that they have no hope of feeling calm. The answer is no. While in a reading you may see several colors of anger, you will also see several shades of hope. Look in the spread for the underlying causes of the anger – is it a current experience that causes it, is it greed and avarice that results in inner unrest, is it misdirected anger about issues unaddressed or is it an ingrained experience that favors this emotion? It is in the cause that you will find the cards, which will provide help. Look for temperance for healing and mercy, the star for positive spirit and hope, the high priestess for guidance and counselling, the empress for regeneration and self healing and even the 4 of cups or 4 of swords for immediate disengagement and enforced rest.

All you need to do is tell the story that anger can only be dealt with through acceptance that you have a reason to be angry, the realisation that it is the most powerful of all emotions and help find ways of channelizing it usefully.

our earthly mother, the empress

Our generation grew up singing songs like “mother of mine, you gave to me…” , a song sung in eulogy of the mothers in our lives, ensuring that the power distance between us and them remained so. Today many of us as mothers are striving to be ‘friends’ with our children a euphemism to ensure that they keep talking to us. A very scathing opinion given by one of my lady friends who came for a reading. To cut a long story short she came to examine the difficult relationship she and her daughter shared. The daughter as all teenagers do felt her privacy threatened by her overbearing mother and the mother was battling with her insecurities regarding safety, moral character and future prospects of her progeny.

The empress in their reading came as a sign of need for self nurturing – contrary to popular beliefs the empress in my readings almost always signifies a need to nurture your own self (not others), to rejuvenate your spirits, tap into your creative side and extend love and understanding that you would as a mother to your anxious child to yourself. This powerful card is timeless and sends us a clear message – ‘the mother daughter relationship can only be successful if both parties feel nurtured, understood and accepted’. In other words if you want to heal a relationship which has gone rocky, first and foremost, accept your own weakness and forgive yourself. Only in extending compassion to your own self can you be kind to others.

The empress, the bearer of a harvest and creative abundance, teaches us to embrace all that is productive within us.

In my early years as a tarot reader a young person asked me about when they would get married and whether they would at all. Every which way the cards said one and the same thing… marriage seemed a definite yes – the earthly mother has appeared signifying the reign of fertility along with a relationship in the person’s near future. A few months later she came back to me and stated that contrary to what we had discussed she was really far from marriage in fact she had broken off with an already married man and ended up handling an unwanted pregnancy. I was aghast _ I obviously had overlooked the card for its meaning – Fertility. In fact the Tarots tell a very simple story – so what can seemingly appear as marriage just because I read the empress as marriage, since the enquirer asked about marriage, can actually mean motherhood and fertility.

An important lesson – allow yourself to listen to the messages from the cards without getting influenced by what the seeker wants. You will be able to hear the cards loud and clear if you focus on the person rather than what he/she speaks, asks and wishes. Think about the person and submit to the complete belief that what you will hear will be true.

The empress has always been extremely fascinating for me – maybe because my own rocky relationship with my mother had a huge impact on the way I think and negotiate relationships. In fact the rockier the relationship the harder it is to separate your mother’s voice in your head from your own. I have found that when you do grow up you become a harsher critic of your own actions than your mother ever was. Therefore, despite all the work I have done to change the way I think, I have finally found solace in the fact that you cannot change the fact that you love your mother, their opinion does matter but at the same time you can choose to forgive yourself if your actions do not always match up to her expectations.

the why and the wow of the tarots

I was talking to my nieces today about starting this blog and the first question they asked, as all young people do, was 'Why?' followed by the next most favorite 'Wow'. If you really think about it that almost completely sums up my need for this. The eternal and unending 'whys' that face the 40+ gang like mine and the wide eyed delightful 'wows' that surround every new experience of the younger people.

I believe most brilliant things in life are simple - therefore I believe that everyone can read the tarots and there really is no complex science to it. So my goal is also simple - to help people learn what I know about tarots and an insidious objective of helping people find what they are looking for.

I began reading tarots at 24 and today at 42 I am still a learner as I think I always will be. In all these years I have believed that in sharing with others you will get some answers to the Whys and experience some of the Wows. When one is younger everything is beautiful and wondrous - every experience opens your mind to the gazillion possibilities that exist in any situation. I think as a Tarot reader you have to continue to remain in touch with that wonder and experience it every single time you see something new in the cards. The newness may come from remembering a new meaning to any card or it may come from the reaction of the person you are reading for. I think the simplest way to lose it is to become so blasé that you assume you know what the other person is experiencing. A little like if the love of my life leaves me I may be furiously angry and contemplate violence whereas someone else in the same circumstance may actually feel heartbroken, saddened and hopeless, a completely different reaction to the same situation.

I have found that most people go to astrologers, palmists and tarot readers to find an answer to various types of whys. Even those like me who choose to become tarot readers are seeking an answer to our whys, but perhaps want a little more control over getting those answers. The truth is there is no absolute answer - each card has at least 2-3 shades or meanings and the permutations and combinations of the flanking cards can create unending possibilities.

Any card has several dimensions - a feeling quotient, a sense of time, an unfolding of an event and a direction/path/guidance attached to it.

Let's take the five of pentacles - a visual image of the poor freezing outside the church - a distinct sense of getting lost but at the same time a sense of the wanderer. I typically associate it with a feeling of lacking a sense of belonging to any place/person but as an event unfolding it also means that despite the fact that your home is staring you in the face you are not able to make a connect with it. This card has appeared in my reading when someone is in a rocky relationship, when they have just started a new project/job and they have not as yet found their groove, just before an impending important exam or when you have just got married and are yet adjusting to your new home. I believe that if it comes in your own spread the cards are telling you to look for answers within you as it is highly likely that the answers to the "why" you are looking for are probably staring you in the face and cannot be seen because of the overriding anxiety you experience at that moment. So to gain objectivity, ask your closest friend to state the obvious and you will have your answer pat. Once again the five of pentacles is a fleeting card and will last only as long as you allow it to.

I think I am writing this today because I had the opportunity to be touched by the enthusiasm and joy of youth and it left me wondering that why life is such a paradox. The wonder (wow) that you need to be a tarot reader is best within your grasp when you are young but strangely enough you are only able to let yourself hear the answers to whys when experience teaches you to stop judging yourself. So if you aspire to be a tarot reader the 2nd lesson is learn to forgive yourself...

the tower - an overrated crash

I have seen the tower in myriad situations and across multiple readings. Each time it appears with the images of the crumbling edifice, the lightning strike and the tumbling kings and queens, it holds a sense of foreboding tension for me. I see it appear and the dialogue that runs in my head "Oh my God - how do I mitigate the effect on the receiver of this news?" But the truth is actually quite different.

It is the flanking cards in a reading that signify its importance, so the impact can range from brief surprise to a far reaching impact. But it is not the tower but the others cards that should evoke fear. The tower on its own without the other cards can be quite a damp squib... What is also little understood is that the tower has a very fleeting impact. Perhaps a sudden news that takes you unawares and impacts you briefly for an hour or two before your mind adjusts to it; or in complete contrast an unexpected success that leaves you stunned before the excitement hits home.

Either ways its is just the imagery on the tower card that makes us dread its appearance. What we also don't remember is that it is accompanied by a burst of energy, which empowers us to achieve the otherwise unachievable. It gives us the impetus for taking risks and drives energy and passion into any task we undertake. When accompanying an event you are planning for, it can mean a significant energy force waiting to be released, which if you were to harness appropriately, would help you reap unimaginable success.

The tower appeared once in a friends reading before 26/11 as a catastrophe in the world out there while he was traveling. Something that did not affect him personally but ended up having a far reaching impact on his career. So I would advise a word of caution - don't start breaking out in sweat when you see the tower - instead see it as an opportunity to bring about change in yourself and the receiver.

Why am I thinking of the tower today - I guess hospitals have a way of evoking a sense of foreboding which reminds me of how I feel about the tower despite having experienced it in so many different ways. It is also my way of telling myself that what is anxiety creating is not necessarily all that very powerful or cataclysmic. One just needs to look at it from a different angle of the prism to see that it can actually be quite benign...