the strong in the gentle...

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as true strength."-- Ralph Sockman.

Hercules the symbol of strength in Greek Mythology was worshiped as the God who freed the mortals from many a monster. He was born of the digression of the God Zeus with a mortal Alcmena. Zeus placed his son Hercules at the breast of his sleeping wife Goddess Hera making him partially mortal. But so strong was Hera’s hatred towards Hercules that she induced a hypnotic frenzy in Hercules making him kill all his offspring. To atone for his sins he visited the Oracle of Delphi who set him on the path of absolution through what became known as labors of Hercules, acts of heroism which freed the mortal world from many demonic pariahs.

The story of Hercules is not different from the tarots – the Fool is reminiscent of the birth and travails of Hercules. The fool also traverses the path of life learning lessons and atoning for his actions. He is also controlled by influences internal and those out of his control, that he has to wrestle to find internal balance. But that brings us back to the question what is real strength – is it unmatched physical prowess, or is the ability to control the people around you or yet again is it the fortitude with which you deal with the challenges life faces you? Is the purpose of the fool’s life to regain and reclaim his inner strength?

Life deals us many cards. We see glimpses of strength in many circumstances. When ceased by a vortex of cascading events that turn our life upside down and ceases all control from our hands, we are faced with choices. One path is always the easier one and the more beguiling, but the other seemingly less glamorous one requires true strength. Let me illustrate this to you with Rahul’s story.

Rahul graduated from one of the best schools in India with honors and landed himself a coveted admission into one of the top MBA schools of the country. The entire family rejoiced – he would be the first member of his family who would acquire a professional education and have a shot at rising up the proverbial corporate ladder. But as they say – life never stays the same. Destiny cut his flight to fame short. His father died leaving young siblings and a non working destitute mother. His uncles stepped forward to help him but his choices were cut short. With no money in the family without his father’s income the extended family pressed him to begin working. They were certain that if Kismet had it he would find his way to a professional education sooner than later.

Rahul decided to join the banking services and began training to become a probationary officer in the Indian banks. A far cry from his dream of corporate stardom! So has Rahul our Hercules in this story been defeated. So should he exhibit his strength by going into a frenzy, denouncing his uncles’ decision and hating his destitute family? Or yet again should he the newly appointed patriarch of his family become a tyrant and start displaying the megalomania that is so often seen in such protagonists? Would he then be deemed strong?

The tarots have their own speak in this situation. The Lover’s card talks about Hercules making choices sacred and profane and it is only the sacred choice that brings harmony to life in the long run. There has been many a Hercules like Rahul in real life – who have accepted their destiny and yet not given up the burning desire to be somebody in their own right. They may have had to give up their original choice of path to success but in the new chosen path they have gone on to excel and be deemed success stories.

What makes such Hercules different from the frenzied, controlling megalo maniac? The answer lies in the strength. The card strength depicts a struggle between a fierce lion and Hercules – a hand to hand mortal combat – in this struggle Hercules defeats the lion but wears the skin of the lion as a cloak that makes him invulnerable to external forces. A simple lesson – when faced with struggles in life – the highest battle is with forces within oneself, the strong forces of negative emotion like jealousy, anger, greed, frustration and the desire to assuage these through controlling others. Those that win this battle become the bearer of the lion’s skin and are protected from travails in the future. They learn to receive the hard messages of suffering and use them as guides to temper there own behavior with others.

Thus Hercules that wins is the Hercules that wins himself. He continues to hang on to his ambitions for excellence but gives up the attachment to only one chosen path to excellence. Thus Rahul will certainly have what he wants just perhaps not in the shape that he thinks he wants it.

This examination of strength with gentleness is dedicated to men, so let me pick up the story of another corporate being. Arun graduated from one of the leading MBA institutes in the country – had just the life that Rahul was so desperate to have. He joined an international consultancy and was soon in the inner circles of power in the firm. If corporate seniors were to be believed Arun will be the youngest partner in the whole of Asia Pacific. Certainly no mean feat, for someone from as humble a beginning as Arun.

As is always true – when you find appreciation and recognition – you begin to identify with that entity as your own. So also did Arun. The more his work was validated, the greater was the self fused with the organization. Along with the fusion came the corporate myth – a sense of power. He began to feel that as long as he was at work and in the environment he belonged in – he was powerful. He felt strong, and his life had a purpose. To negotiate difficult terms, balance complicated interpersonal relationships and influence the who’s who of the business world seemed to become the mantra of his life. Every time he was successful in achieving a business goal he felt a surge of strength as if life had infused him with a shot of adrenalin that would drive him to the next challenge with an even greater zest.

But the wheel of fortune continues to turn. What has been happening is up in the air at a moment and then plunges down to the bottom. The wheel of fortune teaches us that we are not completely in control. There is a destiny greater than us that will push us to make choices and land in situations we would not have imagined. Asked a spiritual guru the question – why? Can you explain the reason why my life is going that way? The answer will be clear – it’s your life throwing you an opportunity to learn, the lessons you need to learn to become a complete human being. So what then is this complete being and the annoying question that nags at the edge of my mind – why the hell do I have to be a complete being in the first place? Why do I have to learn these lessons – to achieve some esoteric, abstract and elusive goal like Nirvana or is there a direct take back for me before that? What if I choose not to be Buddha and want to continue my pursuits as the most average mortal, what then?

The tarots answer is very clear – before the goal of nirvana is an inherent goal in everything in life – balance. The heady flight to fame and success is more often than not accompanied by conflicts and intra organizational politics. Many a successful manager are cut short in their prime because the politics gets the better of them. I have been asked many time in my work with various corporate groups – so what then are you supposed to do? Dive into the organizational whirlpool and fight till the last breath gets knocked out of your sails or withdraw from the murky depths and live an isolated secluded life on your own island? Frankly there is no correct answer.

Several years ago I met an experienced HR professional, who related a very valuable tale to me. He said that a large part of senior management goes in Machiavellian manipulations like the magician who tries to outsmart one and all with his silver tongued magical maneuvers. There is a corporate myth that this swashbuckling, quicksilver character is the only corporate beast that survives organizations and makes it to the top – a direct contradiction of the strength in the gentle. He however believed that it is not the manipulations of the so called core management teams or “whatchamacallits” but the grapevine that the rest of the organization hears that makes or breaks a leader. It is the management stories and the professional reputation of the leader amongst the rest of the peoples that will decide whether he is a successful manager or not.

Therefore if Arun is to survive it is not just his immediate superiors and the inner sanctum sanctorum that must believe well of him but his subordinates and the younger people around him who must vouch for his sound decision making and honest ways. If his success is based on real mettle the grapevine will speak well of him and no matter what the conspiracy he will come out of it unscathed.

The tarots reflect this in their own way; the emperor and the hierophant are both partners in maintaining balance. While most of us are quick to embrace the emperor with his earthly power and control over the material world, as professionals we forget to balance this surge with the gentle self introspection of the hierophant. The tarots always advice that true power is one that knows its limits and does not rage over others in its attempts to conquer. On the contrary it includes the mildness of having understood who you are and in the act of accepting yourself extending the same love and compassion to others.

It is only through this balance will you be able to use the skills and abilities of others by accepting them as individuals in their own right. While we are quick to learn to be charismatic strong leaders we forget the basic management speak – “true leaders are those whose teams can survive and function as well without them”. We are so busy making ourselves indispensable that we forget that organizations grow through empowering others not hogging the power for yourself. It is a cycle, strong teams means positive and healthy grapevine and strong leaders. At the other end – a weak leader implies a weak team which will not weather the first onslaught.

It is now for Arun to introspect, before his dreams begin to sour – who he is. Is he going to chase strength alone or realize that true strength comes from being gentle and accepting of oneself and others, and that it takes courage to be that way?

The writing is on the wall – Arun is a person in his own right – his professional strengths will shape his destiny and he is bigger than any circumstance that faces him just as this is true for the other protagonist – Rahul.

lost souls...

At one time I believed that all the lost souls were drawn to me like a moth to a flame. I could walk into a gathering and many a pair of searching eyes would zone in on me and there I would be engaged in a disarming conversation with some of them. I thought it was a special talent. It was the ability to provide unconditional acceptance and support that made me who I am. The lost souls would find a sanctuary like no other and never before, and draw from my strength to become bigger and better. Little did I know that rather than a talent it was a quality that was seriously detrimental to my well being? This very talent I needed to recover from to make me stronger within my own self. Yet again it was the age-old suspension of my being clamoring to be a whole. The lost souls resonated with that suspension and were enveloped in its chaos. This synchrony instead of making me feel stronger only served the purpose of splitting me further apart.

Let me introduce you to some such souls. The magician; I met the magician when I was 15. With his silver tongued demeanor he painted the vision of the upright solid gent who forced all others into a faded comparison. Just his strong shining presence paled the rest of the world into a faded yellow. With my very own chaotic suspension, his apparent solidity helped me imagine that I depended on him for support. But true to himself, there he was, the master manipulator – who specialized in helping you believe things that others saw as apparent lies. So strong was the presence that I spun a world of fantasy around myself and him – a fantastic, him-centric world that did not really exist but was designed to make him feel stronger than ever. He drew from my imagined and real world its life blood and slowly and steadily helped erase the boundaries of my security. Frankly I only had myself to blame for the miseries I brought upon myself.

She sought me in a group of the le miserables. She the eternal clinging twine completely absorbed the essence of my need. We were two kindred souls intertwined by our blues. Needless to say we were inseparable. Our inner selves, our experiences in childhood, our emotional chaos all congealed into one large gelatinous mass that threatened choke all the reality of our lives. So strong was the bond that even our miseries became one. I regretted my better circumstance and tried my utmost best to provide what I could to make up for what fortune had favored me with. But it needed to be a timed relationship because reality cannot survive this fusion. Even if one is conjoined, individuality and its demands exert there pressure on the relationship. Both wish to negotiate their own perspective and the lines of “either my way or the high way” are drawn.

He was the spoilt, golden prince and he loved to be loved. And so I like many others did just that… adored him; I loved him till my heart broke into two. I loved him so strongly that I couldn’t separate myself from his wishes. And then we became adults. The golden prince could not find the missing pieces to himself. He had many encounters with the Hierophant and its guidance/assistance to access the various parts to himself, but he was too afraid to look into the compartments within his soul lest one of them turn into the proverbial Pandora’s box. As for me – I could love him no more. My grown self could not help but realize that there was no chance of completion from a source which was so fragmented by itself. The Hierophant could not be the strong man or the emperor of my life. I had no option but to nurse my disappointments and make a curtain call.

The list of lost souls I have been fused with is endless but here is one more that deserves a special mention. She is the Queen of the Universe or so we all believe. Her regal ways and commanding airs have a clear impact on all of us. We all dance to the tune she plays. We dance and we dance till the soles of our feet bleed and the sweat pours of our backs. We bend over backwards, we bend over front forward, we laugh and we joke, we cry and we cajole, we hurt and we forgive, we beg and we plead and it goes on and on like the whirling windmill buffeted by the strong winds of her command. And we never tire. Till the Strong edifice, the Queen is strong no more. Our hearts break to see the object of our slavish reverence so crestfallen only to realize that we have still to continue the never ending dance of subservience.

Do we grudge her this in her hour of need? Frankly No. At least I don’t – My heart breaks every time I see the Tower fallen and the power wrested from the Queen and I wish that she would be the Queen of yore again. But what of the ministers that surround her. They in their otherwise impoverished state maybe ineffective but today have reared their ugly heads for who they are. They have surrounded us with negativity of manipulation, deceit and surreptitiousness. The otherwise subservient minions have today changed the culture of the kingdom to that of insidious means. I am naturally forced to think – which one did I prefer the absolute dance of slavery or this manipulative murky mulch that seems to engulf all in darkness. Frankly I do not have a clear preference.

On our journey through life we meet all kinds of people – some whole and some lost. But it is the LOST souls that leave an imprint in our memories. Ever wondered why? I have come to the conclusion because their apparent weakness resonates with something within us. We are drawn to engage with such people because we find the same lost vestiges within us. The tarots have always prescribed that the path to salvation is to embrace the strength with your failings. No one can hope to move on in life without confronting and accepting those demons.

So I have a choice here – I can choose to talk about them with hatred and hurt that they have caused me with their actions or embrace them as a part of my life that taught me lessons about myself. Of course, embracing does not mean exposing yourself to the same pattern of hurt again and again, rather learning not to repeat the same mistake and protecting your self from self inflicted flagellation and pain. My uncle recently told me – life is governed by a 90-10 rule. We have as little as 10% control over the things that happen to us but have 90% control over how we react to those circumstances. By managing our reaction we can therefore hold our fate in the palms of our hands.

So my inner dialogue can be – “No matter what circumstances are currently impacting my life, they are less important than how I react to them. Accordingly, I have a lot more control over what happens next than you realize. Instead of trying to demonstrate my survival skills or self-sufficiency to anyone else, I need to focus on strengthening my own foundations. It's not about what others think; it's about my integrity.”

I began writing this with a song that exemplifies LOST SOULS for me and so I end with it.

“How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.”
Roger Waters - Pink Floyd

is forgiveness a passive act…?

All religious scriptures instruct the sinner to beg for forgiveness and kneel at the feet of god in abject submission and all shall be forgiven. Your soul will be redeemed and you will be able to find a spot for yourself in heaven. One kind of forgiveness – I have done this, begged for deliverance from retribution time and again from the lord and been forgiven. I am sure all of us have found ourselves caught in whirlpool of emotions, when faced with our own wrong doings and battled with ourselves and god to accept our own failings. An inner turmoil most of us experience regularly… But today I want to speak about another kind of forgiveness - forgiving others. Do you think is hard to ask for forgiveness? - You don’t know the beginning of it my friend, it’s even harder to forgive someone who has willfully harmed you and shows no acknowledgment or repentance for the same. And is it necessary for you forgive them in the first place? A dilemma I have spent many years battling with.

The wrong doers can come in many forms; someone you love, a primary care giver, a spouse or a partner, a friend, a colleague; the list extends to encompass any every one of those relationships we negotiate with. The issue is not who the person is but how you are affected.

Let me begin with a story. Once upon a time there was a young girl who married a wonderful man to escape the tediousness and boredom of her other life. They lived in a nuclear family and hoped to make a wonderful haven for themselves. And they did… but for the fact that the young girl was troubled by demons within her. The slightest hint of insecurity would throw her into the throws of rage. She would be so consumed by it that it would take her days to come back to a state where she recognized herself again. Needless to say the wonderful man could not continue to be of support to her forever. He found the demons too hard to face. As hard as he tried, his own difficulties would not allow him to make sense of what was happening around them. He left – to save himself and his sanity… No one blamed him, after all the demons were too hard to bear. The young girl bore the brunt of the responsibility for the failure of the relationship.

Who would you ask her to forgive, the wonderful man, herself or the demons of her past? And would it be a passive act? The card that immediately comes to my head is Justice – the scales of justice are always balanced – you shall get what you deserve. A message given loud and clear by the departing of her husband! The avenging angel stands punished. But yet again a twist in the tale, who will wield the card of justice? Is society the wielder of the sword of justice or is there a higher sword than that? Is the justice meted out by our own inner conscience higher than that of the outer world? The tarots teach us just that.

The justice card is illustrated by a story, where there once was a competition between the goddess of intelligence Athene and the god of the oceans Posieden; both were asked to present a gift to mankind and the most useful gift of all would declare the winner. Posieden struck the ground and produced a horse, the first of its kind and everyone was sure that nothing better could be produced. Athene provided an olive tree – the oil of the fruit would provide mankind with nourishment and warmth, while the olive branch was a symbol of peace, when the steed was a symbol of war. Athene was declared the winner and Athens was named after her. A lesson mankind must never forget, learn to assess their own actions with rational judgments, for reason to override emotion to balance things in life.

The young woman’s fate is sealed. Her husband unwittingly has entered into a relationship fraught by troubles from the past – he does not deserve to deal with this and hence is correct in leaving her. However another look at this situation – his wife is suffering from problems from the past could be any trauma – a neglected childhood, emotionally unstable primary relationships, a betrayal by a loved one and maybe even abuse. She has obviously not learned to trust and hence the slightest of insecurities makes her fly into a self protective rage. Certainly not exemplary behavior but also not a deliberate one, is he now correct to leave? Are relationships only about a wonderful haven? And are wonderful havens never to be disturbed by tumultuous situations? If the society was to wield the sword of justice – they would end up doing a great wrong.

This is exactly what justice teaches the young girl – balance your life and assess what is wrong with you? Find out what alienates you from the current circumstances – what are those demons that control your being – spell them out and face them. Accept that your behavior is inappropriate but before you punish yourself for losing your husband also assess his failings. Has he been such a great spouse – is he completely in the right while you are in the wrong? Possibly not – there must be something about him that triggers insecurity – sit together and assess this for yourselves. Once the analysis is done and the cards are on the table wield the next card – justice tempered with mercy – the Temperance.

Temperance or forgiveness says – “first and foremost forgive your own self. Anger can never be dealt with by directing more anger at yourself, it can only be mitigated by compassion. So accept that just as you were not responsible for the actions of the demons in your past, you are not responsible for your husband’s action. As a child you could not have done anything to prevent what was happening to you and hence are not responsible for what happened. A fact – forgive yourself.” Only when the young girl stops taking responsibility will it be placed where it rightfully belongs.

The story further unfolds, she works hard at understanding why she reacts the way she does – replaces all the voices of alarm with self soothing and healing mechanisms, but alas the one thing that stays with her – her desire to seek revenge. Her life does not seem meaningful unless those that harmed her pay for what they did. She embarks on the journey to confront the perpetrators of harm and draw solace in the fact that they will be pained. What begins as a war of justice turns its tables on her. Each time she confronts the demons, they become more powerful. Why? By her acts of aggression she is playing out the drama of the past where the demons appear less demonic in comparison to the angry young girl. Also they become stronger in the knowledge that they can still affect her. So what then is the solution for the young girl to right the wrong within her…?

Even though she has found forgiveness and healing for herself, is it important to forgive the demons of her past? The temperance is a card of balance, balancing of the good with the bad. The young girl does not need to forgive them because she is on a spiritual journey to salvation but for a very tangible and necessary benefit. The cards say “As long as you carry anger for an event or a person with you – you continue to identify with that event and stay connected to it. Only when anger is diffused does the connection sever and you grow to be a bigger and better person. The first step to diffusing anger – develop your own self and hold your power within you – you will find the hold that the event had on you will fade. Also magically the perpetrators of abuse stay powerful as long as they know you are affected – the day they lose their power to impact your life they begin to appear in the correct perspective, as they really are, weak and corrupt.” Once she makes these realizations she will find it hard to allow them to stay powerful and even forgive them. She will have a whole life without.

As for the wonderful husband – well, he will have to work harder to be the wonderful support he promises to be whilst she works on calming the demons within her. They will both learn to forgive each other.

Does the act of forgiveness appear passive? Quite to the contrary – any process which requires such soul searching and active change of thought can never be a passive exercise. A lesson I have taught myself again and again. Life has taught me to see everything etched in sharp outlines and difficulty in seeing the grays. A long time ago I found it hard to accept a line of an evangelical poem – “lord give me the strength to accept the hardships so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and eternally happy in my life with you”. It seemed to negate my quest for revenge – for all the wrongs done unto me, only to learn that the path of forgiveness is a far more arduous and powerful one. It is actually in forgiveness that I have found peace because the demons no longer are powerful enough to control the way I live my life.

power games - take 1

What if you are feeling targeted and the in the vortex of an onslaught from an extremely aggressive person? What if you have grown up to be a person who is dumbfounded in the face of this onslaught? What do you do at such times to wrest power back within your grip? Do the cards have anything to say about this?

Sure as always they give ready advice to you. Separate yourself from the person. In situations like these we tend to become one with the perpetrator, his words become reality, his judgments take on a dimension larger than your own meek voice and his opinions about you become much larger in proportion than the vision of your own self. Such is the power of onslaught. Draw inwards like the hermit – and think through who you are – are you a creative person, are you fair, sensitive, loving, intelligent and effervescent? How do you describe yourself? Does your own description match the messages that the perpetrator is giving you, or is it just the force of impact that drives you away from standing by yourself? Ask yourself these questions… In just the act of asking you will find that you are able to connect with who you are and distance the negative messages reaching out to you.

Next figure out - why are you being attacked? Is it something you did or is it the inner experience of the other person to an event that he could not resolve for himself? The answer lies in the five’s – the 5 of wands and the 5 of swords. Extreme jealousy & competition is prevalent in the environment making the perpetrator furiously angry with the circumstance. More than the anger being directed at you – it is his powerlessness that drives him to attack. Ha… a situation which had its beginning in making you powerless is actually insidiously about the attacker’s own helplessness and dis-empowerment.

The cards conclude their advice to you with the strength and death. Both cards teach forbearance – and patience. It is not the weak that walk the path of restraint and acceptance. This path less traveled is for the higher souls. Not a song sung in a eulogy for you, just because you were at the receiving end but the truth. It is easier to retaliate and get the better or worse of the other person. Worse still it is simpler to give in to the onslaught and abandon yourself completely. It is far harder to control your own demons and accept that this is a painful circumstance but one to be dealt with complete submission because the more you push against the factors that demand this change from you the more likely you are to be in pain. Silence is a powerful weapon it can fell a fierce adversary far better than words can. Accept it and bear it.

In such situations you will find that the perpetrator is backed by others whose insidious maneuvers are far more lethal than the ‘in your face’ ones. Same emotions (jealousy & conflict of the 5’s) can be portrayed by a quieter less aggressive person who can easily victimize you without appearing in the wrong. The fact – an aggressive person accepts responsibility for being the wrong doer the quiet manipulator doesn’t. SO the recipient of aggression in the second case walks away with an equal amount of damage as in the first case, without knowing what or who to blame. The blame will in most of these situation turn on your own self.

Cards yet again preach the same process as the first.

1. Separate yourself
2. Ask yourself why are you being attacked?
3. Forbearance & acceptance

With one minor difference… DO not stay silent because such a person needs to be told that you are on to them and you will not allow their machinations to get the better of you… Surely but quietly, using the strength card, let the Machiavellian manipulator know that you know what he is saying but do not agree with it. Do not be the fall guy for other people’s poor motivations.

The tarot teaches lessons which allow us to grow as people. This growth is ALWAYS about learning that the same weapon cannot work in all forms of combat – As the earthly emperor you have to learn that real power is about knowing who you are and standing firmly for yourself and those that you love. Power can never be taken away from you by the aggressive perpetrator or the manipulator if you can hear the voice of your soul.

All things in life come in a balance. The good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the loving & the hated so on and so forth. So do the powerful and the powerless – it’s all about seeing it the right way –If you are powerful within your own self no earthly maneuverings can wrest that from you. You will even have the affirmations that your wronged soul looks for once you have stopped craving for them.

I guess today I was at the receiving end, hence such insight into how it works… or is it just another way of unraveling an emotional knot for myself.

i am not impotent...

It is extremely important to me that I should not feel impotent at any stage in my life. It is not the question of physical impotence, but the feeling of helplessness and powerlessness that engulfs us at various moments in our lives. I have grown up with this strong sense of justice instilled within me and out of all the teachings of the Mahatma, that I have dismissed one stays strongly etched in my psyche – “it is an equal sin to tolerate injustice as it is to commit injustice unto others”. In fact, I think I live life trying to balance the scales of justice, in all my interactions and in this I am my harshest critic.

Recently I was assailed by anxiety in the middle of the night… I was engulfed by a feeling of suffocation and frustration – insomnia claimed me for itself. The evening had been a terrible one and I had walked away from a family visit feeling attacked and targeted for no fault of mine. All of us have felt that often others have taken advantage of our silence, and our reluctance to openly conflict and refute an aggressive person, and continued their onslaught on our dignity. This can happen in many situations, in a family gathering where power is unbalanced, at an office meeting when one or the other colleague is unduly aggressive or even amongst peers and siblings when we find ourselves heckled by a particularly manipulative person who twists our words to ridicule us.

In all these situations, all that we walk away with is a feeling of being unheard, our sense of being wronged, unacknowledged and dismissed and to add insult to injury our own helplessness at not being able to stand up for oneself. Is it any surprise then that I could not sleep?

The beauty of such situations is summed up in two simple words “impotent anger”…

The cards are very eloquent about impotent anger. As always they dwell in the root cause of all phenomena. The cards tell their own story – a plethora of cards turn up in a beautiful sequence of events; the emperor, the 5 of cups, the ten of wands, the magician, the 3 of swords, 8 of cups, knight of pentacles, and the ten of swords. A daunting tale at best; in this case I will try to explain it from my own experience that evening.

The emperor tells us the that my need to feel important in the family turns to grief with the 5 of cups so much so that I can only focus on what is spilled, not on what remains. The spread goes on to indicate that I carry the burden of being manipulated. The ten of wands implicates a load that I carry within me – which I do not know how to unburden myself off and the magician in one of its meanings implying a self centered master manipulator, who is unscrupulous in servicing his needs for power and by his clever words can inflict injury. Naturally I walk away from the interaction feeling grief and betrayal (3 of swords) and the 8 of cups – leaving a situation I have invested emotionally in behind in disappointment and disillusionment. To compound insult to injury I am frustrated by my inaction (knight of pentacles) and the 10 of swords tell its own tale of the end of a false way of looking at a situation & a relationship and hence residual grief.

To cut a complicated story short – it is a family which I have invested in immensely and despite all my efforts there is a master manipulator amongst us who gets the better of me each time. The accompanying feelings of grief, betrayal & disappointment are no surprise. To compound this matter I carry within me an earlier conditioning that needs me to feel powerful in family situations and when I am unable to stand up for myself I feel frustrated and suffocated. I have been so blinded by my own need for power that I am unable to see the situation for what it really is.

The cards go on to advice me that this is an inheritance/ baggage of the past (6 of cups) and hence I am unable to move beyond my prior experiences. It also indicates that I have the Sun, which is success, fulfillment and child like joy in my relationship with my husband the King of cups and it is time for the need to revoke the empress within me – to quote my earlier writings on the empress “almost always signifies a need to nurture your own self (not others), to rejuvenate your spirits, tap into your creative side and extend love and understanding that you would as a mother to your anxious child to yourself”.

I think the message is pretty clear – whenever we have felt unheard follow the tarots in clear simple steps:

1. Do not punish yourself for feeling impotent – focus on validating your own anger – “I do have the right to be angry and I did not react in that situation because it would have been detrimental for my dignity, not because I am a loser and a weakling”. Also we forget that silence is the most powerful of all weapons. Often manipulation when faced with silence rather than retaliation can render itself impotent. So we may not have walked away from the situation as dis-empowered as we think.
2. Think of the positive relationships in that situation that have been nurturing for you and validate your anger with them. Share your feelings of distress with them and ask for another perspective.
3. Ask yourself a difficult situation – is all the impotence I feel only related to the current experience or do I carry some emotional baggage that makes me feel dis-empowered and helpless in such situations. Accept the emotional burden and lay it to rest separating it from the present.
4. Once you have gone through this process – you will be able to take the necessary action to feel the emperor within you – powerful in your negotiations for your won self. It does not matter that you were unable to retaliate just then as long as you are able to set the wrong right for yourself, its perfectly alright – even if it is only later.

The message is clear – “Nor shall derision prove powerful against those who listen to humanity or those who follow in the footsteps of divinity, for they shall live forever. Forever.” – Kahlil Gibran

the many colors of anger

I have found anger a very useful emotion - even a shield. It carefully conceals the true depth of my experiences from me. No matter what the instigation my mind embraces my most favoured reaction – rage! Not distress, sadness, grief, fear or even anxiety. It has a lot to do with the manner in which I have learnt to process life. It is often said to many a trauma survivor – “I don’t know how you could have survived this?” – In other words had I been in your shoes I would have wilted like the delicate flower I am and fallen apart at the slightest provocation. The truth is that it is anger that separates the survivor from the victim and a fighter from the loser.

Needless to say there is a very special place in the tarots for anger. Not one card but several cards reflect various shades of anger that a person may experience. I think as a tarot card reader one of my favourite observations is the many colours anger appears in. Some years back a rather fierce young woman came to me for a reading. With her strong opinions and flashing eyes she epitomised the “witchy woman’s” flying sparks and flashes of lightning. I was mesmerised. As we were reading the cards I realized – here was a woman who had seen tough times in her life and had learnt to survive despite it. Much as she owed her many colors and the vermilion temper to her experiences the cards were very clear in their message to her.

The devil appeared along with death, a powerful combination. It was time to let go off the obsessions of the past – allow yourself to be free from the controlling compulsiveness of the devil and accept that change was imminent. Death also pointed to the fact that the change would not be easy and would come with its pain, a difficult task for a person whose personality has somehow got interwoven with the anger she holds within. It is absolutely true that the very same anger that leant you the edge can become outdated and make it difficult for you to accept your softer & gentler self.

Most of us spend years trying to battle the anger within us, whether its is betrayal, jealousy, humiliation or even greed in multitude situations we use distractions to manage it. Whether it is shopping, alcohol, conversation, food or sex, distractions can only provide a brief respite only to return the anger in full force. The cards however always indicate a healing and nurturing process for the self. As a reader you have to help others make that journey for themselves.

The tarots reflect this is several ways. Many other cards – the 5 of swords with its direct message of a brief but fierce conflict, the 7 of cups with its fantastical illusions, the 5 of wands signifying jealousy and competition, the 7 of swords in one of its shades signifying betrayal and the 8 of cups asking a person to leave disappointment and disillusionment behind all provide us with many reflections of anger. These cards appear in various symmetries and combinations in readings indicating various circumstances but with an underlying experience of anger for the receiver. But as a reader I believe it is my responsibility to not only spell out the eventuality but also look for the messages that the cards send the seeker to help them find peace and tranquillity.

A friend once asked me, have you ever met anyone who is so completely angry that they have no hope of feeling calm. The answer is no. While in a reading you may see several colors of anger, you will also see several shades of hope. Look in the spread for the underlying causes of the anger – is it a current experience that causes it, is it greed and avarice that results in inner unrest, is it misdirected anger about issues unaddressed or is it an ingrained experience that favors this emotion? It is in the cause that you will find the cards, which will provide help. Look for temperance for healing and mercy, the star for positive spirit and hope, the high priestess for guidance and counselling, the empress for regeneration and self healing and even the 4 of cups or 4 of swords for immediate disengagement and enforced rest.

All you need to do is tell the story that anger can only be dealt with through acceptance that you have a reason to be angry, the realisation that it is the most powerful of all emotions and help find ways of channelizing it usefully.

the tower - an overrated crash

I have seen the tower in myriad situations and across multiple readings. Each time it appears with the images of the crumbling edifice, the lightning strike and the tumbling kings and queens, it holds a sense of foreboding tension for me. I see it appear and the dialogue that runs in my head "Oh my God - how do I mitigate the effect on the receiver of this news?" But the truth is actually quite different.

It is the flanking cards in a reading that signify its importance, so the impact can range from brief surprise to a far reaching impact. But it is not the tower but the others cards that should evoke fear. The tower on its own without the other cards can be quite a damp squib... What is also little understood is that the tower has a very fleeting impact. Perhaps a sudden news that takes you unawares and impacts you briefly for an hour or two before your mind adjusts to it; or in complete contrast an unexpected success that leaves you stunned before the excitement hits home.

Either ways its is just the imagery on the tower card that makes us dread its appearance. What we also don't remember is that it is accompanied by a burst of energy, which empowers us to achieve the otherwise unachievable. It gives us the impetus for taking risks and drives energy and passion into any task we undertake. When accompanying an event you are planning for, it can mean a significant energy force waiting to be released, which if you were to harness appropriately, would help you reap unimaginable success.

The tower appeared once in a friends reading before 26/11 as a catastrophe in the world out there while he was traveling. Something that did not affect him personally but ended up having a far reaching impact on his career. So I would advise a word of caution - don't start breaking out in sweat when you see the tower - instead see it as an opportunity to bring about change in yourself and the receiver.

Why am I thinking of the tower today - I guess hospitals have a way of evoking a sense of foreboding which reminds me of how I feel about the tower despite having experienced it in so many different ways. It is also my way of telling myself that what is anxiety creating is not necessarily all that very powerful or cataclysmic. One just needs to look at it from a different angle of the prism to see that it can actually be quite benign...