love, love and love

Last night a young person asked me – how do you know what to look for? Is there any card in the tarots that indicates or defines that this is the love I have been looking for? Well, the answer lies in the fact that different people experience love differently. In my experience people have described their feeling of love in their own way and the tarots have a danced to the symphony they created. SO instead of holding forth on the subject and giving my opinion I think I will let the tarots and the speakers speak for themselves. These are all excerpts from books and my own jottings on my experiences.

Here’s how a woman describes her experience: “Lets put the boot on your foot - if you knew that I might die in the next 6 months and you loved me. Would you marry me and have my baby - despite being destitute and not certain which way your life would go - just to hang on to that perfect moment of love? Do you know what it feels like to have a baby that is a part of someone who completes all that you want from life? In another life that is something I would want with you. SO I am issuing it as a prayer for my soul to remember!”

In her reading we found the devil and the hanged man with the 4 of cups. The Devil, for a slightly obsessive and passionate kind of love that preys on her own emotions driving her to experience intensity that may otherwise not be possible to feel; and the hanged man to allow herself to understand a new reality. They see when we have nothing left to lose our soul is freed from the shackles of ‘what if, but & why’ and life is visible in a perspective otherwise concealed. They say the experience of birth is much the same – the woman for the first time realizes that life depends on her and that she is nothing but a pawn in the hands of nature, with very little control on what’s to be. In this loss she discovers her true potential and a new ability to take on the travails of life. So in her own words her subconscious clearly indicates to her the message that the tarots parody. She needs a new perspective on the obsessive love she feels. Why does she want to be so conjoined with her love, is this really good for her? The 4 cups brings home the indication – a forced disengagement and a little distance will allow her to introspect – the reasons for such a need.

In another story a man and a woman were in a relationship which brought out the worst in them. Cantankerous, difficult, nasty and plain passionate... The relationship continued for several years until realizing the futility of it all, the woman decided to end it and get married. Ironically there relationship is exposed. A reasonably mundane occurrence but what fascinated me were a couple of statements - He says to the woman: “At least I was faithful for 12 years to my wife before I met you but you are claiming to be in love with the man you are about to marry while you are still with me.” Then again he says, after she is married: “I didn't tell you that I broke up with my wife because you are married now.” What fascinated me was the difference in which he viewed honesty to himself? All the years that she wanted more, he had nothing to offer and then just when she gets married and voila! His life changes and he explains his own decisions with this odd concept of respect for a marriage - so different from the way a woman feels.

In his cards we saw justice and the hanged man. Justice is the one card completely governed by logic and the balancing of the just and fair against what is undeserved. So when justice appears it mean you will get your just desserts – so as you sow so shall you reap. In his case – he balanced the good and the evil in himself and his girlfriend and explained that he had only strayed from his marriage after having accepted that he had done his best and could not make the relationship work, whilst the girl was being unfair to her fiancée by being involved with another man while pledging marriage. Similarly he weighs himself as the wrong doer and allows himself to be punished by not disclosing to his erstwhile girlfriend his singular status and bears his separation in isolation. However the hanged man points him to a new perspective having lost all that he held dear and indicates that he needs to cast away his earlier veneer and feel love and compassion for himself. In other words mitigate the harsh sword of justice. Interesting isn't it? It amazed me. Of course they broke out of their relationships and were happy ever after.

Some interesting thoughts? What say?

The star in the tarot signifies a pure hopeful love, the fool on its journey after having lost all, finds himself drinking from a maiden’s urn, water filled with starlight signifying the birth of hope and the return of love to your life. It also reminds the soul that there is no one soulmate – the message of love is hopeful – even if you lose you will find love again in a newer form. In your reading if accompanied with any of the cards from the minor arcana like the nine of cups (signifying wishes fulfilled) or the knight of cups (tentative steps towards romance) it means allow your heart to sing with joy and embrace the feeling of love. Consider yourself truly blessed if you find the two of cups – you are in a relationship of equals – where your other half completes your being. Your partner will support you, cherish your inner self and allow you to grow.

As a friend once spoke about her love “The one thing that truly lifted my spirits today - you know that you have found perfect love when your heart sings every time you hear their voice, when you feel everything is all right with the world, when you are with them and when you know you are complete in that moment you have with them. Then there truly is nothing more you want from life (if you die then it does not matter). The rest is a relationship negotiating it - maintaining it and investing in it.” Sounds very idealistic and perhaps transient but a moment in love worth hanging on to?

I want to end this reprieve with the world – the ultimate card for love. The world… This card perhaps the most powerful of all has several meanings but it also signifies the end of the journey for love. When the world appears in your search for love – you have found nirvana and completed successfully the goal you set out for. You are in the presence of perfection, wholeness, satisfaction and happiness. But you surprise yourself by finding that you have finally reached where you began – learning to trust and let go. In other words a love we all strive for but seldom achieve. Unconditional love - a mythical concept, only felt by a mother for her new-born child and love for god in a search for the spiritual self.

However, in the adult form experienced transiently with a perfect someone. In a discussion over dinner someone explained how they felt “I wanted to tell you that even when I have fought with you bitterly and am feeling hurt to my deepest core - I know I can feel that pure joy only with you. Remember I told you that I like the poem Ode to a skylark - I think that joy is what I am talking about that sets your spirits free. So you are free to behave as you wish that feeling is mine to hold and cherish and even you can't take it away from me. I think this is the strength of my vulnerability - knowing unerringly that even I have no control over this. It gives me the strength to speak the truth.”

Maybe that is why all the so called spiritual gurus were found in pairs!

the sacred and the profane

These words ring in my years every time I look at the Lovers’ card. Life is about choices isn’t it – that is the very reason why this particular card, which marks the souls journey into adulthood, teaches us to make choices and live with the consequences of those choice. Men and women alike are faced with this choice at some juncture in their lives.

The Lovers card is shown with Adam and Eve looking up at an angel – Raphael signifying, mercury and air, the basic element of Gemini. It means something mercurial and transforming is in the air – and what is constant is going to be altered. That is exactly the effect love has on us – the proverbial ‘rose tinted spectacles’ being one. Those governed by logic and science, report love as a chemical reaction, one that alters the blood chemistry and results in a feeling of euphoria. The reality lies somewhere in between and definitely dulls human ability to make rational decisions, such is the power of the Lovers card.

Does that mean that all decisions taken in love are profane? Is there a right or a wrong kind of love? Is it just society that decides this?

Over the years I have found that a large number of people who come to me are looking for a soulmate. Whether it is the young or the old the search for a soulmate is a never ending, awe inspiring one. Someone who completes your sentences, reads your thoughts even before you have crystallized them and accepts you as you are with no questions asked, epitomizes the dream lover or the soulmate. The desire for such a heavenly being overrides all other needs and requirements. Young and the old have asked the same question “Tell me is there a special someone in my life who I will meet?” My belief yes there is… not a special someone but several such special someone’s.

So then was nature’s way of making the primitive man polygamous the most natural one? This is where the Lover’s card in the tarot steps in. In one of my readings with a friend the person reported she had finally met the man of her dreams, a little too late because she was already married and had a family she did not want to leave. However, she was unwilling to let go off this new relationship that life had offered her. The new interaction provided her with a sense of completion she had not experienced before. She felt that she could handle and balance the two parts to herself. The cards that came in her spread were the Lovers and the two of swords, a stalemate. Did that mean that she would be able to maintain the balance she so desired?

There can always be many interpretations. The one that seemed to make sense was, the 2 of swords signifies a balance as long as you hold still, you remain blindfolded oblivious to the outer world because any sudden reactions can upset the balance and cause the swords to tip over. Could she hold on to the moment and maintain status quo? A big question, because love by its nature is volatile. If the new love is all satisfying and complete, her reality will appear faded in comparison to the suffused color of the new relationship pushing her to make a choice leaving status quo. Something in the circumstances would definitely alter to accommodate the new reality – unbalancing the swords.

So then would you advice her to give up the new relationship and adjudge it profane? You will find the answer in the Lover’s card. The spiritual meaning of the Lover’s card means that a man and a woman are two complimentary sources of energy, the yin and the yang. The soul on its earthly journey to the universe needs to understand this balance to communicate with its spiritual self. Only then will it be able to move on in the cycle of life and embrace higher lessons. In simple words to have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship you first need to have a relationship with yourself, i.e., accept yourself with your strengths and your failings.

We often look for what is missing within us in a relationship outside, in the hope that the other person will help us get in touch with that lost part and allay our fears while we are feeling lost. The Lovers teaches us just that lesson. To have a successful relationship first be whole – work at claiming all your missing parts for yourself. Once that is done the choice will be clear… the relationship that allows you to spread your wings, realize your full potential and lets you make your journey in your own chosen way is the one to depend one and is sacred to you. On the other hand, the one which is wrought with insecurity, fear and anxiety is the profane.

The tarots did not give my friend a yes or no answer but did give her enough to reflect on. What did SHE want? What in her current life made her happy – what was necessary for her to feel confident about herself? Was this new relationship just her search for herself? Was her marital relationship stifling and did not allow her to be herself? Which choices could she live with? Questions only she could answer – but answers that were imperative to find, as only then could she find the real balance in her life which is not a stalemate.

I have known of many choices. Some leave earlier relationships to find new ones, others stay despite a sense of unhappiness, some choose to stay single and have several relationships. yet others have dalliances on the side to distract from the unhappiness of the present… the tarot’s do not deem any choice to be profane. Only what is not good for your soul is profane and what you can find contentment and peace with is sacred. Souls singular goal is to seek freedom from obsessions and discontentment.

So does this question face only the poor married souls who have to make this choice? Is life just cut out for the singles? NO. The same question presents itself to them as well, albeit in a different form - “What kind of a person am I looking for?” Why am I not able to find the perfect person for me? Once again – the Lover’s provides the answer. First find what you miss in yourself and then embark on that journey to find love. A little bit of love for your own self can go a long way in finding love outside.

The Lover’s card also leaves you with something to reflect on – Is it imperative to be loved? Is it possible to be without love? Is it possible to be complete in your own self without this demonic search for a soulmate?

you know your own future

I have been reading tarots now for 15 years with improving confidence. People say I am good - I guess that means I can foretell the future accurately. Still every time one of my friends reports such "bang-on" accuracy I only feel incredulous and of course wonderous. Incredulous because it is not me, in fact it has little to do with me - I truly just am the telephone that helps them hear - and frankly they believe they need the telephone when actually they are only hearing themselves. I think I will always be wondrous of the way all this works - that yet again I heard the truth and chose to believe in it.

Tarots are such a passion today but over the years I have learnt that all it takes is belief - the unshakable and absolute belief that what I am seeing/experiencing is true. Once an aunt asked me when will I be able to tell the future - and I remember telling her that you can already, you just don't let yourself - you are afraid to let go. If you allow the disquiet of doubt, uncertainty and anxiety to silence itself you will have your answers loud and clear...

So here's to all the tarot reading aspirants - before you learn the meanings of cards and the spreads, focus on learning to believe - believe your own self.