the strong in the gentle...

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as true strength."-- Ralph Sockman.

Hercules the symbol of strength in Greek Mythology was worshiped as the God who freed the mortals from many a monster. He was born of the digression of the God Zeus with a mortal Alcmena. Zeus placed his son Hercules at the breast of his sleeping wife Goddess Hera making him partially mortal. But so strong was Hera’s hatred towards Hercules that she induced a hypnotic frenzy in Hercules making him kill all his offspring. To atone for his sins he visited the Oracle of Delphi who set him on the path of absolution through what became known as labors of Hercules, acts of heroism which freed the mortal world from many demonic pariahs.

The story of Hercules is not different from the tarots – the Fool is reminiscent of the birth and travails of Hercules. The fool also traverses the path of life learning lessons and atoning for his actions. He is also controlled by influences internal and those out of his control, that he has to wrestle to find internal balance. But that brings us back to the question what is real strength – is it unmatched physical prowess, or is the ability to control the people around you or yet again is it the fortitude with which you deal with the challenges life faces you? Is the purpose of the fool’s life to regain and reclaim his inner strength?

Life deals us many cards. We see glimpses of strength in many circumstances. When ceased by a vortex of cascading events that turn our life upside down and ceases all control from our hands, we are faced with choices. One path is always the easier one and the more beguiling, but the other seemingly less glamorous one requires true strength. Let me illustrate this to you with Rahul’s story.

Rahul graduated from one of the best schools in India with honors and landed himself a coveted admission into one of the top MBA schools of the country. The entire family rejoiced – he would be the first member of his family who would acquire a professional education and have a shot at rising up the proverbial corporate ladder. But as they say – life never stays the same. Destiny cut his flight to fame short. His father died leaving young siblings and a non working destitute mother. His uncles stepped forward to help him but his choices were cut short. With no money in the family without his father’s income the extended family pressed him to begin working. They were certain that if Kismet had it he would find his way to a professional education sooner than later.

Rahul decided to join the banking services and began training to become a probationary officer in the Indian banks. A far cry from his dream of corporate stardom! So has Rahul our Hercules in this story been defeated. So should he exhibit his strength by going into a frenzy, denouncing his uncles’ decision and hating his destitute family? Or yet again should he the newly appointed patriarch of his family become a tyrant and start displaying the megalomania that is so often seen in such protagonists? Would he then be deemed strong?

The tarots have their own speak in this situation. The Lover’s card talks about Hercules making choices sacred and profane and it is only the sacred choice that brings harmony to life in the long run. There has been many a Hercules like Rahul in real life – who have accepted their destiny and yet not given up the burning desire to be somebody in their own right. They may have had to give up their original choice of path to success but in the new chosen path they have gone on to excel and be deemed success stories.

What makes such Hercules different from the frenzied, controlling megalo maniac? The answer lies in the strength. The card strength depicts a struggle between a fierce lion and Hercules – a hand to hand mortal combat – in this struggle Hercules defeats the lion but wears the skin of the lion as a cloak that makes him invulnerable to external forces. A simple lesson – when faced with struggles in life – the highest battle is with forces within oneself, the strong forces of negative emotion like jealousy, anger, greed, frustration and the desire to assuage these through controlling others. Those that win this battle become the bearer of the lion’s skin and are protected from travails in the future. They learn to receive the hard messages of suffering and use them as guides to temper there own behavior with others.

Thus Hercules that wins is the Hercules that wins himself. He continues to hang on to his ambitions for excellence but gives up the attachment to only one chosen path to excellence. Thus Rahul will certainly have what he wants just perhaps not in the shape that he thinks he wants it.

This examination of strength with gentleness is dedicated to men, so let me pick up the story of another corporate being. Arun graduated from one of the leading MBA institutes in the country – had just the life that Rahul was so desperate to have. He joined an international consultancy and was soon in the inner circles of power in the firm. If corporate seniors were to be believed Arun will be the youngest partner in the whole of Asia Pacific. Certainly no mean feat, for someone from as humble a beginning as Arun.

As is always true – when you find appreciation and recognition – you begin to identify with that entity as your own. So also did Arun. The more his work was validated, the greater was the self fused with the organization. Along with the fusion came the corporate myth – a sense of power. He began to feel that as long as he was at work and in the environment he belonged in – he was powerful. He felt strong, and his life had a purpose. To negotiate difficult terms, balance complicated interpersonal relationships and influence the who’s who of the business world seemed to become the mantra of his life. Every time he was successful in achieving a business goal he felt a surge of strength as if life had infused him with a shot of adrenalin that would drive him to the next challenge with an even greater zest.

But the wheel of fortune continues to turn. What has been happening is up in the air at a moment and then plunges down to the bottom. The wheel of fortune teaches us that we are not completely in control. There is a destiny greater than us that will push us to make choices and land in situations we would not have imagined. Asked a spiritual guru the question – why? Can you explain the reason why my life is going that way? The answer will be clear – it’s your life throwing you an opportunity to learn, the lessons you need to learn to become a complete human being. So what then is this complete being and the annoying question that nags at the edge of my mind – why the hell do I have to be a complete being in the first place? Why do I have to learn these lessons – to achieve some esoteric, abstract and elusive goal like Nirvana or is there a direct take back for me before that? What if I choose not to be Buddha and want to continue my pursuits as the most average mortal, what then?

The tarots answer is very clear – before the goal of nirvana is an inherent goal in everything in life – balance. The heady flight to fame and success is more often than not accompanied by conflicts and intra organizational politics. Many a successful manager are cut short in their prime because the politics gets the better of them. I have been asked many time in my work with various corporate groups – so what then are you supposed to do? Dive into the organizational whirlpool and fight till the last breath gets knocked out of your sails or withdraw from the murky depths and live an isolated secluded life on your own island? Frankly there is no correct answer.

Several years ago I met an experienced HR professional, who related a very valuable tale to me. He said that a large part of senior management goes in Machiavellian manipulations like the magician who tries to outsmart one and all with his silver tongued magical maneuvers. There is a corporate myth that this swashbuckling, quicksilver character is the only corporate beast that survives organizations and makes it to the top – a direct contradiction of the strength in the gentle. He however believed that it is not the manipulations of the so called core management teams or “whatchamacallits” but the grapevine that the rest of the organization hears that makes or breaks a leader. It is the management stories and the professional reputation of the leader amongst the rest of the peoples that will decide whether he is a successful manager or not.

Therefore if Arun is to survive it is not just his immediate superiors and the inner sanctum sanctorum that must believe well of him but his subordinates and the younger people around him who must vouch for his sound decision making and honest ways. If his success is based on real mettle the grapevine will speak well of him and no matter what the conspiracy he will come out of it unscathed.

The tarots reflect this in their own way; the emperor and the hierophant are both partners in maintaining balance. While most of us are quick to embrace the emperor with his earthly power and control over the material world, as professionals we forget to balance this surge with the gentle self introspection of the hierophant. The tarots always advice that true power is one that knows its limits and does not rage over others in its attempts to conquer. On the contrary it includes the mildness of having understood who you are and in the act of accepting yourself extending the same love and compassion to others.

It is only through this balance will you be able to use the skills and abilities of others by accepting them as individuals in their own right. While we are quick to learn to be charismatic strong leaders we forget the basic management speak – “true leaders are those whose teams can survive and function as well without them”. We are so busy making ourselves indispensable that we forget that organizations grow through empowering others not hogging the power for yourself. It is a cycle, strong teams means positive and healthy grapevine and strong leaders. At the other end – a weak leader implies a weak team which will not weather the first onslaught.

It is now for Arun to introspect, before his dreams begin to sour – who he is. Is he going to chase strength alone or realize that true strength comes from being gentle and accepting of oneself and others, and that it takes courage to be that way?

The writing is on the wall – Arun is a person in his own right – his professional strengths will shape his destiny and he is bigger than any circumstance that faces him just as this is true for the other protagonist – Rahul.

Helplessness or a Choice...

Marriages are made in heaven and you can’t choose where you are born. Old adages which point us towards the helplessness of our fates, and unravel the control we may wish to have over our destiny. So the big question then is, are we that helpless or are these choices we make? If you care to read Brian Weiss’s ‘Many Lives and Many Masters’ – he claims that the soul in its afterlife chooses to be born into specific lifetimes to learn the lessons that it needs most, to move towards ultimate assimilation into the universe – nirvana or salvation as life describes.

The tarots are not silent on this either – the tarot card the World is nothing but a sorting of the chaos and conclusion of cycles of learning. It is a state where you stay suspended in the glory of peace and abundance and enjoy the fruits of having completed a long arduous journey. The fool in its search for this ultimate merging with the universe has lost much and gained wisdom through that loss, he has learnt to use that wisdom to temper his choices and actions, he has died and reinvented himself into a new being and finally arrived at this destination. It is now his time to rest and enjoy the fruits of his labor and bask in the wondrous world of wishes fulfilled. Isn’t that the ultimate goal for all of us in all pursuits in our life?

So how then do we explain our failures to ourselves? The challenge lies in what we describe as a failure… For Rayisa, her failure lies in the grief she carries within herself. An inexplicable heart wrenching, ear splitting screaming grief that wells up most suddenly and unexpectedly. In a perfectly happy moment when she is surrounded by the warmth of love and belongingness, the grief storms into her heart and she begins to feel as if a giant mill stone is pressing down on her chest threatening to push the last breath out of her lungs. She begins to believe that she is all alone and ill fated and even her happiest moments are tainted by the all engulfing pain she has carried within her self.

Rayisa is not alone in this feeling. Many of us share this aloneness we carry within us, which differentiates us from the rest of the seemingly “happy” world. The reasons for this grief can be several; once again a loss of someone you dearly loved, the pain of separation/betrayal by a loved one, just coping with the tattered remnants of a failed relationship or the sheer grief of a robbed childhood, but the grip this shattering emotion has on us is pretty much the same for all the situations described above. The grip is so strong and so enticing that it colors how we perceive the world.

Such is the dilemma that faces Rayisa. In the last decade or so she has visited many a healer, pranic and otherwise, consumed kilos of sugar, tried binging and then alternately starving, crying copiously and then chasing a high life in the hope of numbing the grief she carries within herself. Needless to say she has succeeded – she is anesthetized, she enjoys life to the full, keeps herself busy and is very happy with whom she has turned out to be. But the grief within her has a few tricks up its; every time she is happy she feels something is missing from her life – as if she misses a certain part to herself. She begins to feel dull and just a little less alive. Then comes a cataclysmic event – something that upsets her life and creates upheavals in her otherwise peaceful existence – she is overwhelmed by the circumstances and overcome with distress, natural and otherwise. But to her surprise she feels whole again, she is alive and in a strange way at home. This is familiar ground for Rayisa – an emergency situation she has been trained to cope with… her senses are sharp and adrenalin is pumping. She is ready to cope with what life has to dole out to her even if it is harsh. Such are the games that our emotions can play with us.

Would it be fair of Rayisa to call her life a failure just because she carries grief within her heart? Does it mean that Rayisa will only be whole when miserable? And does it finally imply that she should hate herself for feeling the way she does?

Let’s see what the tarots have to say for her. They say simply, be like the fool – allow yourself the chance to make a fresh new beginning yet again, again and again, no matter how many chances it takes without judging yourself as a failure. No one has been able to make themselves feel better by deriding themselves – the only way is to engage in those things that make you approve of your own self for now – those simple things like reading a book, a drink with friends, or just a warm bath, that give you joy. Remind yourself that this devilish grief belongs to a cataclysmic event in your life – whatever that may be – and is a revisit to the past.

Does that mean that there is no problem to deal with currently? Of course there is – the death card points her to a challenge she needs to face and accept in her present life. She is terribly angry with her husband for not being able to stand up for her time and again in offending situations. She knows he has difficult issues to deal with – but does that mean she is not allowed to be angry? But the cards tell her not to worry – the world has appeared followed by the ace of coins. The world that signifies the settling of all chaos and the ace of coins pointing to a fresh new beginning! The cards are telling her – differentiate between anger with your current circumstances and the grief you can feel in your heart. The intensity of pain you can feel when faced with an upheaval is not commensurate with the reality of the circumstance. Such is the cross people like Rayisa have to bear.

Can Rayisa hate herself for this seeming failure? She has a choice – she can choose to be helpless when faced with this circumstance and hate herself even more, or she can actually just accept herself for who she is. The question Rayisa has to ask herself – who is actually judging her for being who she is? The answer will provide a clue to how she will resolve this. Some people around her perhaps, or maybe the amorphous society at large? Some of these are people who don’t really matter and whose opinion bears no value in her life, yet there may be some who influence her life.

The truth lies in the fact that many such people carry the burden of grief themselves, scratch the surface and there will be an outpouring of lava, and because they are judging themselves harshly for carrying the lava within they will judge Rayisa similarly. Yet others who may seem perfectly at peace are just numb to their own condition, and Rayisa’s forthright acceptance of her own grief threatens to disturb their carefully balanced and fiercely guarded anesthetized state. Naturally she is to be judged and derided.

I think what the tarots point us towards is real mental health and true healing provided by the temperance card. The healing which accepts you for who you are, the strong with the weak, and allows you to be at peace with oneself, not the precarious balance of the two of swords which can be unbalanced by the mere hint/glimpse of reality. Those who are happy within never feel the need to judge others for their crosses and extend the same kindness to others that they do to themselves.


So, she knows that she does carry the burden of grief – but the world indicates that it will pass – there will be a resolution – but in the meantime she needs to be kind to herself. She has to learn to approve of the helpless, fragile and sensitive Rayisa as much as she does the Rayisa who loves to live life to its full. Only then will Rayisa have come a full circle and completed her journey from the fool to the world.