when deafness surrounds you...

Our entire generation goes misty eyed about the song “The Sounds of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel, which talks about human dependence on technology robbing real communication between people. So true, but something I am also supporting through this blog. But today I am thinking about a slightly more perturbing predicament – imagine a surreal situation where you are screaming in a room full of people surrounded by voices, chatter and the clinging and clanging of real life, but no-one can hear. You scream and you scream, your face turns purple, your breath runs out and the shrillness of your own screeches in your ears makes you fear the cacophony you must be creating, but all those around you continue about their chores as if you and your sounds do no exist. In short, you are surrounded by deafness. Doesn’t it sound like the scary reproduction of B grade horror film – I am afraid I will have to disappoint you, this is real.

Meet Rani, she will tell you about herself. She is a 15 year old very fierce young girl, very smart and way ahead of other students in her grade. She has an idyllic home, loving parents, a sister and doting grandparents. All outsiders who look at her talk about, how she has all that she possibly could want! And she does… Scratch the surface and you will find pain in the young girl’s eyes, why? Rani’s parents encourage their children to talk to them, and so Rani shares the adolescent realities of her world with them.

She tries to talk about the pressures she faces in life, the terrible struggle to stay popular in her school, the social pressures of conforming to the traditions of her family, the do’s and don’ts of good behavior, keeping up the style quotient, her troubles with boys, her emotional upheavals – you name it and she has tried. Each time she opens a little core of her being she finds herself facing judgments and analysis that does not make sense to her. Keeping up with the Joneses is so important in her family that they forget to accommodate for the blossoming eccentricities of their daughter. So much so, that only those opinions and sharing are validated that fit in with their world view, anything slightly different is dismissed as irrelevant crazy ravings of adolescent hormones. Despite having everything she could possibly desire, Rani finds herself getting alienated from her idyllic home.

She soon finds herself feeling run down, ill and racked with weird anxieties and phobias. Her parents are naturally concerned, but after the doctor assures them that Rani is physically fit, they dismiss her illnesses as psychosomatic symptoms of adolescence. For a family that believes in love and support, they can only extend their deafness to their special child.

Rani grows into a strong young woman who has internalized the deafness that surrounds her by being an aggressive person with a distinct difficulty in listening to others herself. She carries that anger within her and extends it to others through rejecting their pleas for a real connection. She works as a really successful career woman in a bank, but is not known for her compassion.

Rani meets Saroj at a club. Saroj is a typical suburban mom. Busy with parenting her little son, they meet at the swimming pool on a weekend and become great friends. They soon discover that Saroj is Rani’s colleague’s (at the bank) wife. Saroj looks forward to coffee weekends with Rani, she feels that Rani’s intensity compliments her milder view of the world. Soon they are really close friends and share confidences with each other.

Saroj’s soothing manner calms Rani and allows her an opportunity to listen to someone else for a change. She sees her friend’s wonderful happy little home and is a little wistful that she has never attempted such a life for herself. They both often laugh that for two people from worlds so far away from each other, they seem to get along so famously.

One day Saroj tells her that her beautiful family is not so wonderful after all. Her accomplished husband and she have experienced great difficulty forming a bond. An overly interfering mother-in-law has prevented the young couple from having a moment of peace. There marital life has been so strife torn that they have not been able to forge that trust that spouses should share before they have their offspring. Saroj’s mildness of manner and conventional upbringing stops her from leaving her home and child. She attempts to explain time and again to her husband, that they should distance themselves just a little from his family of origin and find space for their marital life. But his overwhelming filial love prevents him from seeing sense. Saroj is afraid that this will adversely affect her son and his psyche.

She has tried to communicate this difficulty to her mother in law and their family, but ends up getting adjudged as just “different’ and ‘troubled’. Instead of helping the young wife they end up encouraging their son’s behavior as normal and Saroj’s behavior as ranting of a mad woman. As long as Saroj, tows the line and never every questions the rationale of the family she shall be a good human being else, she is a sinner and a person to be shunned. Support be damned to hell, she ends up being the odd freak to mistrusted and doubted at all times. Despite being in a family she ends up being alone.

Rani hears Saroj’s story and realizes – what they have in common? What is that bond that draws them close? Why despite all the freakish differences they end up finding solace in each other’s company – they share the same distress – the distress of having been surrounded by deafness. Screaming and screaming yourself hollow, to have someone hear but no one does. Why – because people around them do not wish to hear anything that disturbs their own construct of reality, any stimuli which will make them question the logic of their actions threatens to disturb the carefully balanced house of cards they have created for themselves. They have sold their soul to their own ideas and can only hear sounds of silence.

“And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls"
And whispered in the sounds of silence”

Rani listens in wonder that despite being a sufferer of similar circumstance both their reactions to life have been so definitively different. She shares her story with Saroj – this is perhaps the first time she is telling someone. Saroj hears her and is shaken that her friend with a predilection for strong words and strong statements could be actually hiding a vulnerable child underneath. She convinces Rani – that they should pay a visit to a Tarot healer she has heard of for guidance. Rani who is pretty dismissive of such an idea initially, gives in to her friends wish and decides to accompany her albeit with severe doubt about the worth of such an endeavor. Here’s the guidance that they both receive from the tarots.

Saroj’s Reading

The first layer of her reading says simply – Saroj is coping with severe disappointment at the hands of her family, though a path will soon appear to help her forsake her disappointments and move away from unrest. The cards advice her, to be strong and adamant in the face of adversity and to stand steadfastly besides herself. Any hurried flurry of action can result in the misbalance of the carefully balanced swords. She is living holding her emotions tightly in control and any desperate and impulsive act will only succeed in disturbing her sense of balance.

The second layer focuses Saroj on a simple fact – judgment day is near. “The Angel hands the Fool a small trumpet. The Fool is hesitant, but he knows that this is a final decision. Either to go forward, or stay where he is. He blows, and the trumpet's song echoes across the sky, its vibrations seeming to crack open the Earth. From under the Fool's feet, memories rise. Images of his innocent youth, challenges, loves, failures, losses, success, disillusionment and wisdom. For the first time, he does not try to leave them, ignore or forget them, but accepts them”. Judgment tells her that a moving will only happen if she lets go of the hurts – destiny will deal with those that have harmed – and to feel mercy for herself and others (temperance).

She can find solace and wellness in her strengths – the conversations she has with her friends (page of wands), the appreciation she receives within her group of friends and in society (the 3 of cups), the hard work she is capable of – maybe even try a new opportunity for work and the creativity she has within herself (ace of wands). Embracing these strengths she will regenerate and renew herself. She will provide self nourishment to herself (the empress).

Once she does that justice shall have its day – those that have harmed shall pay dearly for the harm done unto her and her relationship with her husband shall be restored to what it should have been – she will find complete love (2 of cups).

Rani heard and it thought to herself – something any psychologist could have told her. And then it was her turn. She wanted to test the tarots – without telling the reader about herself – get a reading which would help her.

Rani’s reading
The reading begins with the advice – “take hurried action – do not deliberate too much act on an impulse and find a counselor/therapist or a healer to consult with. This is a journey you cannot make alone.” The cards advice Rani to find help through a trained professional who will help her move towards finding love – to find the blessing that we may allow love to flow into our lives. Above all Rani needs to learn to allow herself to be loved – her logical/rational mind overrides her vulnerability – she will definitely need to help to accept that about herself and then feel safe to let others see it.

The second step tells her to show mercy (temperance) to herself and others – to be less harsh in her judgments of other people and reality – to move beyond the betrayal (7 of cups) that her family’s deafness has meted out to her. Once she does that the star will restore her hope for love (refer my earlier post on betrayal for the complete meaning of the star). She has already lost her childhood – she now needs to change the inherited spectacles she uses to look at life and develop a new perspective that comes from wisdom and having survived trying circumstances (hanged man). Only when she gives up her attachment to the earlier way of judging others will she find peace. When faced with adversity in childhood we tend to absorb it as a part of our identity; which them becomes a construct to be questioned.

The last part of the cards deliver a more trying message for Rani – she needs to work hard at managing both her confident and the dark side to herself (chariot). It is a struggle that will not come easy. She will only be able to win the battle through determined effort and realization that it is in times of uncertainty (the moon) that her instincts kick in. She needs to watch herself in insecure situations and learn to accept that she may be vulnerable and that being deaf and aggressive to others view is only one way to dealing with it. The message of love she has learnt from the ace of cups and temperance, in the first part is another manner of dealing with uncertain times.

Given all that she has the full potential of developing into the independent, successful and peaceful individual like the queen of pentacles.

The drive back home...
Rani and Saroj are amazed – they have a lot to think about. The tarot readings have provided the guidance they needed. They ride home in silence. It is needless to say that they will certainly think about this at every alone moment they find.

They have both tried to tell others what they really wanted – a hearing – in more ways than one – but the one thing they forgot to provide – extend that hearing to their own selves.

"Fools", said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you
" But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence…